I’m a Libra, but it’s very rare that I’m balanced, I’m either slightly high or feeling low. I’ve self confidence issues and anxieties that hold me back from everyday things. In January, fed up with myself, how I looked and felt I joined a local gym- Synergy – in Cavan. I completed four weeks of a six week programme early the previous year, didn’t finish it out and of course I was furious with myself for not going back. I started a new 6 week block in January- in these programmes, everything is laid out for you, a clean eating plan and lots of help and support. They weigh and do your measurements at the beginning of each block. When I finished the first block, I was disappointed, I had only lost three pounds, I did lose inches but I couldn’t get over the mind set that the number on the scales means everything. I felt deflated, I know in my heart that I’m overweight, and that I need to lose weight and I tried really hard for teh first time in my life- actually committed to a programme tailored to me to lose weight and I failed. I started another block at the end March with a I have two personal training sessions per week as well as two classes. I chose Piloxing, which is a cardio workout, pilates-boxing and dance. I was really enjoying myself this time round- got into the health kick, bought a blender, was making smoothies, was eating healthily and all of a sudden when my energy levels should have been at their highest they plummeted. Last week I was tired, this week I’m exhausted. I had my last piloxing class last Thursday evening and I could barely get through it. Last Friday night/morning I was akwoken by an intense pain in my jaw, I couldn’t believe it woke me up. It came from nowhere. I found ibuprofen in the press knocked back two and thankfully drifted back to sleep. But it was there when I woke up again and has been there ever since. I’ve been freaking out thinking it’s an abscess (I got a deep filling on a tooth before- It chipped since and food always gets trapped there– even though I floss) So I was worried it was an abscess, but my teeth aren’t sore it’s my jaw bone really so then I’m thinking it’s wisdom teeth coming through. Anyway, mum gave me antibiotics for the suspected abscess and I’ve been on nurofen plus tablets for the pain since Sunday. So I haven’t been at the gym or at classes since last week and I feel so shit. I feel guilty and I feel like I’m sabotaging all the good work I’ve done since I joined. I’ve slipped back to eating my ‘vice’ foods of bread and crisps. It’s a vicious circle and I’m spiraling out of control and to make matters worse I think my trainers are disappointed in me or at the very least pissed off, an that makes me feel worse.
I always do this to myself, sabotage, I’m my own worst enemy.
Anyone have any suggestions?